MEET C
I just hit 3 years of training and I try to do 3 or 4 hours a week. I have other things going on outside of work, so it’s too stressful to train more than that. Trying to hang out with friends is hard sometimes, and I also started dating, so trying to fit all that in is challenging. Dating is ok. I started using a dating app for the first time but never used it before. And after being on it for a few days I had 3 first dates in one week, which is way too exhausting. I really just want to just prioritize Krav and friends.
What put self defense in my mind was 5 years ago, I was living in south Austin and my roommates were out of town. A friend suggested I take a self defense class since I’ll be by myself and I thought “oh, maybe I should” because it never really occurred to me. I quickly found out you can’t just take a few classes and be fine, that’s not how it works. So at first I thought ‘I didn't want to dedicate a lot of time right now’. A year after that, I quit my job and moved to Argentina for 3 months just for fun. I was having a blast meeting people there, and I never felt unsafe until I meet some locals who said ‘be careful, it’s very dangerous here.' That started freaking me out after. I could never walk around by myself without looking around, which you should be aware always, but it just made me feel nervous all the time, homesick and uncomfortable.
When I came back to the states I found a new job, and remembered I didn't want to feel that way again when I traveled or anywhere for that matter. THAT’S when I decided to look into krav maga. I trained at a local gym in Austin for a year and really liked the self defense part, but they focused more on fitness. Then I noticed one gym closer to me that opened and I signed up at Lions Krav Maga. That’s when it went from going to krav for self defense and exercise to going to krav for fun. That’s when I started to enjoy it even more, and it became “Oh, I want to do this for a while’. With training it’s like you are working at it for a while and you feel like you're getting better, but then something happens, and it feels like I suck at this. You improve, but then realize you have more to go.
I have always been the type of person to shrink back and so I feel like training has helped me in that aspect. I still have more to go as I train, I learn more about myself, and I get better. Training is a process that takes a while, but I think in the outside world, that's still a process. I have noticed recently things I use to put up with I no longer do. I don’t react as quickly, I take note of them, and I’m more aware. Still a work in progress. I also notice at work how differently I interact with co workers, I’ll have little wins, speaking up more in meetings in my office that is predominantly men, as it’s always been a struggle for me, but I notice the shift in myself.
I was just listening to a podcast about how women have a hard time saying no, and as a result we say yes to everything. So my work for example, we have an office in Australia and always have late night meetings with them because of the different time zones. I have talked to other people in my office who say ‘well, I don’t go to late meetings’ and sometimes I also have that option, but other times I feel like I should go out of obligation. I’ve noticed I have started to say ‘no’ more but then have this guilty feeling, so it’s a work in progress and I’m still improving. I didn't learn boundaries growing up because my mom wasn't good at setting them with my dad. My dad growing up had a domineering presence, there was no arguing with him, and I would notice the way him and my mom would interact. He was always kind of angry, almost to the point of being verbally abusive, and him saying ‘you’re wrong’ had a big impact on me growing up. One thing could set my father off and made it such a such a toxic environment for a child. My mom would get in arguments with him but knew it was always a losing battle.
You read things how women over apologize and I'm trying to break out of that. I read somewhere this lady doesn't say sorry she says ‘whoops’ to people. I find myself doing it during training, when you’re supposed to be hitting someone, and you say sorry when you hit too hard. I sometimes do that, because it is hard to find that line. I’ve gotten better about it but, I will say training has helped with asking those questions. Setting boundaries is something I've always had a hard time with, in all aspects of life; with friends and dating. I’ll be getting to know someone and they're trying to push the boundaries a little bit, it makes me uncomfortable, but don’t know how to communicate that. I have gotten better about that. We can learn how to change our reactions and go forward in life, and try to undo what we learned.
Around the time I started training is around the time I started seeing a therapist, it was all this self improvement stuff. It took me a while to get into that zone of aggression for training, probably because growing up there was so much anger at home. I have had times where I learned I took something I'm upset about and use it in training to focus on that. Krav is my outlet. I feel like nowadays I care less about things, like what people think. It use to bother me more and I would dwell on them, but don't do that as much. I think training has helped with that. I am also more competitive, and before I was not a competitive person, but I’m learning how competition can just be fun. It changed something in me where I can really enjoy it, learning and interacting with people. That would be the biggest thing I have learned so far.
When I first started I didn't know it would be mostly men, I didn't know anything and so it was really scary. My very first class wasn't bad but when I trained at Fit and Fearless, you would find a partner in the beginning of class and that was your partner for it’s entirety. So when I’d arrive, I would look around and see what women I could partner up with, I was too intimidated to work with the men. I really started to enjoy it though once I started at Lions, you change around partners, and even though I was working with the men as well, I would think ‘oh this isn't bad, because I'm working with everyone too’, so that helps feeling immediately comfortable.
The one thing I have noticed since I started, and this coming from men not women, they will ask ‘Have you ever had to use this before in the real world situation?’ I have had multiple men ask me that, because normally they wouldn't outright ask you, “has someone ever attacked you?’ because it doesn't occur to them. But when you say “I’ve learned self defense.’ immediately they say ‘Have you ever used this?’ I wonder if maybe on a day to day basis they don’t think about what women have to think, ‘we could get attacked at any minute’ mentality. They don’t think about that, but when it’s put in their head is when they realize ‘oh that is a thing’. I have noticed I get that question more from men who are a little more uninformed not from the few that are enlightened.
I would first say, if it's something you think you want to do, you can do it. For those people that could dedicate the time, they just don't think they could do it, I would say you could, anyone could if they are willing, any fear you have, can be overcome.
Meet A
I am a woman of color in America. Born and raised in Texas, and was so sheltered growing up I didn't know what discrimination was, even when it happened to me, until I was 24. My parents did the best they could I think, but human to human, they made some fuck ups. I was taught growing up (purposely or not) that I was not worth love or respect, to always know my place and never to have a voice. Not to say I didn't learn any valuable lessons, which even with a darkened adolescence and suicidal tendencies as a teenager, I still somehow walked away with extremely helpful attributes.
I am 30 years old and training in self defense came along about a year and a half ago. I was attracted to the idea of being a ‘badass’ and quite frankly, (finally) at the age of 28 I was tired of feeling helpless. There was moment after moment, experience after experience of when I felt so helpless, helpless and at the mercy of others. I cant tell you how fucking tired I was of feeling that way. For me, training is life saving, literally. I learned training was similar to therapy for me in a way that it was like boarding a roller coaster. Initially the idea of it is fun, then when the ride starts and all the ups and downs happen, it can bring mix emotions from happiness, to ‘holy fuck, get me off this thing!’. But isn't that just life?
I am the most centered when training, I have never been able to enjoy being in the moment without thinking of a million things. It is a peaceful feeling at times but there have been plenty of times I have these rage of emotions from a hit or being in a controlled position is when I realized I would be triggered. I couldn't explain to myself why at first and self-reproaching for ‘losing my cool’ but as I consoled my instructors I was not judged but met with understanding. It is the most amazing feeling to be able to open up and not be met with negativity or criticism, but support and love because I didn't know what that was like. Needless to say I was having an epiphany, and I still do at times, that I realized being pinned on the ground and losing my mind, going into a panic mode was PTSD. At times a parent would always pin me down on the ground and hit me countless times, sometimes also suffocating me. The stories I was afraid to open up about I’m no longer ashamed of, but I do know its my responsibility to take care of the pieces that I’m left with coming from an abusive household growing up.
When I’m on the mat, nothing else matters in the world, but at times PTSD would arise and I would be faced with the ultimate challenge, not give up. I have grown to love challenges and strive to always be better and I don't think I have ever felt this about anything before. I am met with respectful training partners and its a huge reason why I continue to train. But it has also taught me to establish boundaries with them when I don't feel comfortable about something. The culture of this gym should be in every single gym where women are met with mutual respect and the opportunity to train. My decision to make Krav Maga apart of my life has deeply impacted me in the outside world, like self respect and zero tolerance for B.S that I’m not hesitant to be more confident. For me that was taking up space for myself, speaking up, not apologizing and being clear and direct with my voice. In my experience as a female I was often taught to do the complete opposite; take up as little space as possible, not to talk back, apologize for everything. I don't even recognize that person anymore. When the #metoo came along I not only realized my own personal story of being sexually assaulted, but our vulnerability, as women, is our voice and that pain does not define us. When someone speaks up about their experience it gives women the safe space to do the same and look at how beautiful that is! I am not ashamed to share my story of when a male decided to take advantage of me when I was blacked out intoxicated, I did nothing wrong, I was used. So when I walked into that gym for the first time, best believe I was done being a doormat, I was done living my life in fear of being alone or even walking down the street at night. My confidence is being built, I am getting stronger mentally, physically, emotionally. This perishable skill is something that continues in my life because I refuse to be a victim.
I have a long road ahead of me, but I have come a long way from where I was. I have confidence to set boundaries, to be direct with what I want or need. Walking down the street more comfortably and even having the self worth to walk away from toxic relationships who don't support me and just use me. It’s amazing what the new life has brought to me and I couldn't imagine not training. What happened to me growing up was not my fault, but it is my responsibility to fix it and thats what I’m doing, I just refuse to not do anything about it anymore.
