MEET C
I just hit 3 years of training and I try to do 3 or 4 hours a week. I have other things going on outside of work, so it’s too stressful to train more than that. Trying to hang out with friends is hard sometimes, and I also started dating, so trying to fit all that in is challenging. Dating is ok. I started using a dating app for the first time but never used it before. And after being on it for a few days I had 3 first dates in one week, which is way too exhausting. I really just want to just prioritize Krav and friends.
What put self defense in my mind was 5 years ago, I was living in south Austin and my roommates were out of town. A friend suggested I take a self defense class since I’ll be by myself and I thought “oh, maybe I should” because it never really occurred to me. I quickly found out you can’t just take a few classes and be fine, that’s not how it works. So at first I thought ‘I didn't want to dedicate a lot of time right now’. A year after that, I quit my job and moved to Argentina for 3 months just for fun. I was having a blast meeting people there, and I never felt unsafe until I meet some locals who said ‘be careful, it’s very dangerous here.' That started freaking me out after. I could never walk around by myself without looking around, which you should be aware always, but it just made me feel nervous all the time, homesick and uncomfortable.
When I came back to the states I found a new job, and remembered I didn't want to feel that way again when I traveled or anywhere for that matter. THAT’S when I decided to look into krav maga. I trained at a local gym in Austin for a year and really liked the self defense part, but they focused more on fitness. Then I noticed one gym closer to me that opened and I signed up at Lions Krav Maga. That’s when it went from going to krav for self defense and exercise to going to krav for fun. That’s when I started to enjoy it even more, and it became “Oh, I want to do this for a while’. With training it’s like you are working at it for a while and you feel like you're getting better, but then something happens, and it feels like I suck at this. You improve, but then realize you have more to go.
I have always been the type of person to shrink back and so I feel like training has helped me in that aspect. I still have more to go as I train, I learn more about myself, and I get better. Training is a process that takes a while, but I think in the outside world, that's still a process. I have noticed recently things I use to put up with I no longer do. I don’t react as quickly, I take note of them, and I’m more aware. Still a work in progress. I also notice at work how differently I interact with co workers, I’ll have little wins, speaking up more in meetings in my office that is predominantly men, as it’s always been a struggle for me, but I notice the shift in myself.
I was just listening to a podcast about how women have a hard time saying no, and as a result we say yes to everything. So my work for example, we have an office in Australia and always have late night meetings with them because of the different time zones. I have talked to other people in my office who say ‘well, I don’t go to late meetings’ and sometimes I also have that option, but other times I feel like I should go out of obligation. I’ve noticed I have started to say ‘no’ more but then have this guilty feeling, so it’s a work in progress and I’m still improving. I didn't learn boundaries growing up because my mom wasn't good at setting them with my dad. My dad growing up had a domineering presence, there was no arguing with him, and I would notice the way him and my mom would interact. He was always kind of angry, almost to the point of being verbally abusive, and him saying ‘you’re wrong’ had a big impact on me growing up. One thing could set my father off and made it such a such a toxic environment for a child. My mom would get in arguments with him but knew it was always a losing battle.
You read things how women over apologize and I'm trying to break out of that. I read somewhere this lady doesn't say sorry she says ‘whoops’ to people. I find myself doing it during training, when you’re supposed to be hitting someone, and you say sorry when you hit too hard. I sometimes do that, because it is hard to find that line. I’ve gotten better about it but, I will say training has helped with asking those questions. Setting boundaries is something I've always had a hard time with, in all aspects of life; with friends and dating. I’ll be getting to know someone and they're trying to push the boundaries a little bit, it makes me uncomfortable, but don’t know how to communicate that. I have gotten better about that. We can learn how to change our reactions and go forward in life, and try to undo what we learned.
Around the time I started training is around the time I started seeing a therapist, it was all this self improvement stuff. It took me a while to get into that zone of aggression for training, probably because growing up there was so much anger at home. I have had times where I learned I took something I'm upset about and use it in training to focus on that. Krav is my outlet. I feel like nowadays I care less about things, like what people think. It use to bother me more and I would dwell on them, but don't do that as much. I think training has helped with that. I am also more competitive, and before I was not a competitive person, but I’m learning how competition can just be fun. It changed something in me where I can really enjoy it, learning and interacting with people. That would be the biggest thing I have learned so far.
When I first started I didn't know it would be mostly men, I didn't know anything and so it was really scary. My very first class wasn't bad but when I trained at Fit and Fearless, you would find a partner in the beginning of class and that was your partner for it’s entirety. So when I’d arrive, I would look around and see what women I could partner up with, I was too intimidated to work with the men. I really started to enjoy it though once I started at Lions, you change around partners, and even though I was working with the men as well, I would think ‘oh this isn't bad, because I'm working with everyone too’, so that helps feeling immediately comfortable.
The one thing I have noticed since I started, and this coming from men not women, they will ask ‘Have you ever had to use this before in the real world situation?’ I have had multiple men ask me that, because normally they wouldn't outright ask you, “has someone ever attacked you?’ because it doesn't occur to them. But when you say “I’ve learned self defense.’ immediately they say ‘Have you ever used this?’ I wonder if maybe on a day to day basis they don’t think about what women have to think, ‘we could get attacked at any minute’ mentality. They don’t think about that, but when it’s put in their head is when they realize ‘oh that is a thing’. I have noticed I get that question more from men who are a little more uninformed not from the few that are enlightened.
I would first say, if it's something you think you want to do, you can do it. For those people that could dedicate the time, they just don't think they could do it, I would say you could, anyone could if they are willing, any fear you have, can be overcome.
Meet E
“Women tend to take up a Mixed Martial or Self Defense as a way to reclaiming something within themselves. In the world we live in it’s really hard as a woman to feel safe. You cant even walk in public, in broad daylight without fearing for something! You don't feel free. Where I do feel free is when I’m training and I’m doing something amazing for myself. Reclaiming myself. You're no longer helpless, but you play it smart too, you still need to follow your intuition, you still need to play it safe. I was so afraid of everybody, I didn't trust walking anywhere or trust anybody. Reading news articles or watching videos of fights happening, I would always wonder what would I do in that situation . . . I didn't know. And the thing is I WANT to know what I would do.
“Back in 2015 there was a 18 year old student at UT where I attended suddenly attacked by a homeless teen, who was a very large individual. That was really hard information to swallow because I was a year older than her and did that exact same walk before. It became very clear being a women in this world is very dangerous and it wasn't even my choice. I can’t continue going about my life completely unable to defend myself from something like that. I was taking tae kwon do at the time and quit not long after the murder since it wasn't good self defense. I heard of Krav Maga the following weeks after the murder and I started looking for places when saw a flyer on the campus for a gym called Lions Krav Maga. When I started I was getting amazing training but realized women have a different mindset of training than men. Men are not really thinking about getting picked up, they have never lived with a target on their back their entire life, but if you are 140 lbs and a women, you are a target. I DO have a target on my back, the thing is I want to be a really hard target to hit! I am not going to make it easy for anybody to attack me, that’s been my motivation.
“There is no way of knowing how you will respond to a real attack. You can simulate it the best you can, but nobody's technique is perfect during stress drills. You're goal in training is to make your brain kick into a different place, the place you will be if you are ever attacked. Training is on your terms, but when someone attacks you, it’s on theirs.
“Hurdles/training slumps happened to me when I started to realize after training a while and getting good, how much I really do not know and how much I really can’t do. It sucks to realize that, and then feeling like ‘Wtf am I even training for then?’ Then the feeling of failing yourself, the instructors or fear of peers who may think I’m not a serious student when I’m not getting something perfectly. That took me months to get over and to think a lot less about it. The key was reminding myself I do this for me and only myself. This isn't about impressing people or living up to expectations, this is MY life. Comparing myself to others was something I had struggled with in every aspect of my life. Now I have made a conscious effort to not do it, but it is in my nature to compare myself to others. That was what started the whole training slump to begin with is when I realized I wasn't as good as I wanted to be. So you just have to become as good as you want to be, if that’s what want, you don’t have to. But If you do, you just have to work your fucking ass off.
“I use to be very timed and afraid of really trying, the fear of injury and my emotional issues. I was very resistant to kicking into that dark place. It really is more of a survival instinct and I think a lot of women are afraid of that because it may look violent to them, and a lot of women are raised not to be violent. I was terrified of my inner animal/that dark place. I think women have more of an issue with it, so it can be really hard to turn on the switch. It took me a very long time to finally do it, and I try to turn it on at every class now. Finding the switch has been probably my biggest obstacle in training, but once you find it, you just need to train with it all the time. It’s going to be extremely uncomfortable, I was very uncomfortable coming anywhere near it, but you just have to realize that’s your survival instinct talking to you and it’s there to help. It is a part of you, it’s protecting you, its on your side. So there’s no real reason to be afraid, because it’s keeping you safe, it’s not keeping anyone else safe. You have to be ok with that and eventually just accept violence does often have to be fought with violence, despite what we were all raised to think or told to do.
“I was terrified of it and would actually start crying from waves of emotion, because the only thing I could really think of was how scared I was of it. I get really rattled when someone hits my head hard, and that turns on the switch for me, I don't even have to look for it, its on! For the first time ever I wanted to kill somebody, it was really scary, but that’s the dark side of you, and you are perfectly capable of killing somebody. You might have to if you wanna save your own life from a attacker.
“Three years ago before I started training I would have just started crying and been actually helpless and I would have froze. If they really wanted to hurt me they could, because I wouldn't of known how to defend myself. If somebody had a gun and I took it away from them, I probably would have shot myself by accident. I didn't know how to hold a gun. First time taking a pistol course at Lions was extremely scary for me. When we did dry fire in the gym with no bullets, I almost started crying, because it’s violence to me, it was against what I know and how I'm supposed to be. I could kill somebody with this thing! This thing in my hand kills people! Guns are made to kill and that was what was so hard to me. When we did real fire drills we did real target practice, the first time I shot the gun I almost started crying. Because I pulled that trigger and it could have gone in somebody. I ended up making it through, I didn't have any meltdowns, but I didn't touch a gun again in months after that weekend.
“In the past I use to be a yes woman, I didn't set boundaries before training, and I was so terrified of people thinking less of me if I said no. I didn't know where they were or where they should be because my perceptions was of how uncomfortable someone should be allowed to make me. And I would let people get pretty damn far before I even said anything. Now I recognize ‘Hey I'm uncomfortable, this stops right now!’ as soon as I'm not ok with it, and when it gets to be bad enough where I can’t justify it. I was raised conservative, religious, and automatically women have to put up with more and do as their told. My perception of love too was different, I thought love was me giving somebody everything even if they didn't give me anything in return. I have since broken from that, I still give a lot but somebody giving the same respect, love IS respect. Thats something that has been really life changing for me, krav didn't do that, the community of Lions did. It is full of people who all want to make themselves better, and more willing to start thinking of how they want to be and they become that person. I’ve thought about how I want to be and I'm slowly becoming that person, which might change, my idea of who I want to be can change, and thats ok. You just have to start somewhere though, when you have no boundaries, it can be really overwhelming to suddenly start setting them, but you have to do it for yourself.
“ Its scary, but you have to be ok with the idea of prioritizing your life and whatever happens happens.
I want to go home safely
I want to set boundaries
I want to live my life the way I want
It’s not to impress anyone else
It’s all for me”
Meet A
I am a woman of color in America. Born and raised in Texas, and was so sheltered growing up I didn't know what discrimination was, even when it happened to me, until I was 24. My parents did the best they could I think, but human to human, they made some fuck ups. I was taught growing up (purposely or not) that I was not worth love or respect, to always know my place and never to have a voice. Not to say I didn't learn any valuable lessons, which even with a darkened adolescence and suicidal tendencies as a teenager, I still somehow walked away with extremely helpful attributes.
I am 30 years old and training in self defense came along about a year and a half ago. I was attracted to the idea of being a ‘badass’ and quite frankly, (finally) at the age of 28 I was tired of feeling helpless. There was moment after moment, experience after experience of when I felt so helpless, helpless and at the mercy of others. I cant tell you how fucking tired I was of feeling that way. For me, training is life saving, literally. I learned training was similar to therapy for me in a way that it was like boarding a roller coaster. Initially the idea of it is fun, then when the ride starts and all the ups and downs happen, it can bring mix emotions from happiness, to ‘holy fuck, get me off this thing!’. But isn't that just life?
I am the most centered when training, I have never been able to enjoy being in the moment without thinking of a million things. It is a peaceful feeling at times but there have been plenty of times I have these rage of emotions from a hit or being in a controlled position is when I realized I would be triggered. I couldn't explain to myself why at first and self-reproaching for ‘losing my cool’ but as I consoled my instructors I was not judged but met with understanding. It is the most amazing feeling to be able to open up and not be met with negativity or criticism, but support and love because I didn't know what that was like. Needless to say I was having an epiphany, and I still do at times, that I realized being pinned on the ground and losing my mind, going into a panic mode was PTSD. At times a parent would always pin me down on the ground and hit me countless times, sometimes also suffocating me. The stories I was afraid to open up about I’m no longer ashamed of, but I do know its my responsibility to take care of the pieces that I’m left with coming from an abusive household growing up.
When I’m on the mat, nothing else matters in the world, but at times PTSD would arise and I would be faced with the ultimate challenge, not give up. I have grown to love challenges and strive to always be better and I don't think I have ever felt this about anything before. I am met with respectful training partners and its a huge reason why I continue to train. But it has also taught me to establish boundaries with them when I don't feel comfortable about something. The culture of this gym should be in every single gym where women are met with mutual respect and the opportunity to train. My decision to make Krav Maga apart of my life has deeply impacted me in the outside world, like self respect and zero tolerance for B.S that I’m not hesitant to be more confident. For me that was taking up space for myself, speaking up, not apologizing and being clear and direct with my voice. In my experience as a female I was often taught to do the complete opposite; take up as little space as possible, not to talk back, apologize for everything. I don't even recognize that person anymore. When the #metoo came along I not only realized my own personal story of being sexually assaulted, but our vulnerability, as women, is our voice and that pain does not define us. When someone speaks up about their experience it gives women the safe space to do the same and look at how beautiful that is! I am not ashamed to share my story of when a male decided to take advantage of me when I was blacked out intoxicated, I did nothing wrong, I was used. So when I walked into that gym for the first time, best believe I was done being a doormat, I was done living my life in fear of being alone or even walking down the street at night. My confidence is being built, I am getting stronger mentally, physically, emotionally. This perishable skill is something that continues in my life because I refuse to be a victim.
I have a long road ahead of me, but I have come a long way from where I was. I have confidence to set boundaries, to be direct with what I want or need. Walking down the street more comfortably and even having the self worth to walk away from toxic relationships who don't support me and just use me. It’s amazing what the new life has brought to me and I couldn't imagine not training. What happened to me growing up was not my fault, but it is my responsibility to fix it and thats what I’m doing, I just refuse to not do anything about it anymore.
Empowering women
When I talk in depth to anyone about empowerment, I get really emotional. Even if it is to someone who doesn't believe they are strong, I get very defensive for them and practically demand they see that they are. I came from a toxic upbringing, where women are thumbed down, silenced, made to believe that the way I was treated was ok and normal. I have since grown and moved down a path of confidence and empowerment and it has made me see clearly. I am badass, you and you are too. Every single woman is worthy of anything they desire. Shooting boudoir is so much more than pretty pictures. Its about embracing yourself, feeling confident, strong and free! To silence the noise and listen to your heart. I hope this brings some comfort, knowing there are other women out there rooting for you, cheering you on and not judging you but pushing you. Bless us all, we are so unbelievably powerful.
